Things I have learned.

I wrote these in my little notebook when i got
bored..I hope you like them.

Things I have 'learned', by Paul Motes
I have learned that......


Being Mentally disturbed is a virtue.
I hate sand but I love the beach.
Birds piss me off, so does grass.
Don't eat deoderant sticks more than once a day.
Clinging on to bullshit is bullshit.
Don't snort gravy, motherfucker.
Ducks are assholes.
Don't swim in paint very often.
Heroin is NOT a suitable dietary supplement for Meat!
Somteimes poop is 'ok'.
Running full speed everywhere makes people a little
nervous.
Jabbing your thumb in your eye hurts...but ONLY your
eye for some reason.
Don't eat glass, OR used toilet paper.
Charging a cop while jabbing your hand into your
jacket, while SCREAMING HI!!!!! is often not a good
idea.
Usually when a dog is going fucking nutts..it's not a
good idea to run up and pet it.
Don't shave with a bonesaw very often.
Gasoline is NOT the 'other' white meat.
Cats suck but tits are very cool.
Raw bacon is NOT meant to be used as a sexual aide
these days.
A steamy pile of runny dog shit does not get very much
on E-Bay.
Popeye dollars and Mickey Mouse bucks can't buy
jack-shit.
No matter how much dog hair you smoke, it never gets
you very high.
Calling a woman "smelly cunt" or "stupid Bitch" is not
as polite as "Mom" or "Mother", even IF you say it in
a nice loving tone.
Raw Chicken is NOT...IS NOT an aprhodisiac.
Hanging around at high schools wearing spandex is
somewhat frowned upon if your over 35 years old.
Taking a runny shit every five minutes, is not as fun
as it sounds.


You know just some things..some wisdom..little apples
of knowledge I have learned. I hope these help
you like they have helped me.